Important Questions to Ask Your Surrogate at the Match Meeting

If you’re an Intended Parent about to head down the surrogacy route, you’re probably feeling quite excited. And overwhelmed! There’s so much to think about right now: baby names, colors for the nursery, where your little one will go to school…

But as exciting as the future is, there are a few things you need to think about first. When you’re just starting your surrogacy journey, one of the most pressing issues is — what will you ask your Surrogate at your first match meeting?

Getting to know your Surrogate is a big deal. After all, this is the person who will be bringing your baby into the world. Any reputable agency will be experts in surrogacy match-making and have at least 98% match success rate with the first candidate Intended Parents talk to! But there are lots of things you’ll want to know to make sure she’s the right person to partner with for your surrogacy journey.

Here are some of the most important questions to ask your potential Surrogate at your match meeting:

Important questions to ask your Surrogate

If you’re working with a reputable surrogacy agency, they will play a big part in helping you to find the right match. That said, your match always comes down to what you want and who you feel comfortable with. It all starts with asking the right questions at your first match meeting. 

So, what should you ask?

Let’s face it, match meetings can be awkward. Some Intended Parents and Surrogates compare it to an “odd first date” or a high-stakes job interview. Just remember, the potential Surrogate is as nervous as you are!

When you’re meeting your potential Surrogate for the first time, it can help to start with some small talk. Try to ease into the conversation before jumping ahead to the ‘big stuff.’ 

Ask her about where she’s calling from and what the weather is like today. This can lead into a question about her daily schedule and whether she has her own children to look after or if she’s working. 

From there, you can ask her to share more about herself. And that’s the perfect entry to asking the big questions… 

Why did you decide to be a Surrogate?

A Surrogate’s motivation can give you powerful insight into her character. Every Intended Parent will want to know what motivated their Surrogate to have children for other people. For some women, it’s a genuine desire to help those who can’t have children themselves to start a family. Some may have seen friends or family members go through infertility. Whatever her answer, it can reveal a lot about her morals and personality. 

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Your Surrogate’s hobbies and interests will also provide some insights into who she is. Does she love animals? Does she go to the gym regularly, or perhaps run marathons? Is she into gardening, cooking, or reading? You may find that you share some interests, which will definitely help you bond!

What’s important to you in life?

This question can help you understand your Surrogate’s personal values. She might tell you about her family, pets, work, or other things that make her life meaningful. This will give you an opportunity to share what’s important to you, too. 

Who is your support network?

A big part of being a Surrogate is having people around to call on when times are tough. This is a requirement for all Surrogates at reputable agencies. So, it’s good to chat with your Surrogate about who will be supporting her throughout her journey. You may even get to meet her partner or children during your first (and subsequent) interviews. These people will also play crucial roles during her pregnancy, and you might become good friends!

What are your previous experiences with pregnancy or surrogacy?

It’s great to hear about your Surrogate’s previous journeys if she had any. If not, it is important to know if she enjoyed her pregnancies. Who (in generalities as many IPs want to remain private) was she a Surrogate for before? What is her relationship with those IPs now? These questions will help you understand what your journey together will be like. 

How do you want us to be involved during your journey?

As Intended Parents, you’ll need to know how much contact your Surrogate is comfortable with during her pregnancy. Will she send regular photos and videos? Will she want you to come to her appointments? What methods of contact will she prefer – WhatsApp, email, text messages, Zoom? And how often will she want to hear from you? 

What are you hoping to gain from this experience?

Surrogates have all sorts of reasons for choosing to follow this path. But why has she agreed to pursue the journey with you? It’s helpful to know what she thought about your profile and her goals at this stage in her life. It’s also wise to understand her thoughts about the compensation side of surrogacy. 

What kind of relationship would you like us to have after the baby is born?

As the Intended Parents, you should be the ones to decide how much contact you’ll have with your Surrogate after the birth. If she is a repeat Surrogate who has bonded well with her previous IPs, she might also hope to do the same with you. Will she want to see your child grow up? Or will she want to keep her distance?

What is a typical day for you?

Understanding your Surrogate’s routine and daily commitments will help you both to get a picture of how you’ll keep in contact. Does she work? Will she be available in the mornings only or at any time of the day? Now is the time to figure out where you’ll fit into her life. 

A good connection is essential

There may be plenty more questions on your mind – and feel free to ask them! After all, this is YOUR decision and your baby. It’s absolutely essential that you feel comfortable with your Surrogate, so you should be able to ask her anything. 

Making a good match is of the highest priority and we’ll be on hand to help you through all of the tough parts – from start to finish.