How to Find a Surrogate (and Mistakes to Avoid)
Having a baby via surrogacy is an amazing experience. And it all starts with finding the right surrogate!
How to find a Surrogate
Choosing your surrogate is a pretty big deal. There are so many things to consider: personality, genetics, experience, background… and ultimately, how well you work with one another. So should you use an agency that will place you with a stranger? Or should you find a surrogate through your own network?
Let’s talk about what you should know when finding a surrogate, from going through an agency or finding one independently to the specific criteria you should consider when making your decision.
Agency or independent?
With surrogacy, you have two options: working with a surrogacy agency or going your own way. The decision is yours alone. However, it’s important to remember that surrogacy is a big journey with lots of different people and processes involved. Everyone’s needs and expectations must be managed carefully – and that’s a lot of work!
While it’s entirely possible to organize surrogacy by yourself, it requires a lot of time and research. If anything goes wrong, it could seriously affect the outcome you’re hoping for. Consider all the medical and legal processes you’ll have to go through – not to mention managing communication and potential hiccups along the way.
Especially if this is your first time using third-party reproduction, it may be easier to go through an agency.
What does it take to be a surrogate?
There’s a lot more to surrogacy than being pregnant! That’s why finding the right surrogate is so important.
First and foremost, a surrogate should want to be a surrogate. She should enjoy being pregnant and have had successful pregnancies already. She should also be dedicated to helping you start (or grow) your family and definitely shouldn’t be solely motivated by money.
A surrogate should also know exactly what the surrogacy journey will involve. She’ll need to be prepared for the medical procedures and the medications she’ll have to take and stick to a fairly hectic schedule for 12-18 months. She should also have a strong network of family and friends who will support her when things are tough.
What about surrogacy ads on craigslist and other websites?
You might come across ads on the internet where women offer surrogacy services for low compensation. As tempting as it may be to save money, it’s not necessarily a good option!
The problem with sourcing an independent or “indy” surrogate on the internet is that they likely will not have gone through a rigorous screening process – and in some cases, they might not have been screened at all. In fact, some of these advertisers may have been rejected by an agency previously or may not even meet the qualifications to become a surrogate. That’s a worry in itself.
The whole point of the surrogate screening process is to determine whether a potential surrogate is medically and psychologically fit to carry a pregnancy for someone else. If you invest in someone who turns out to be unable to do this, you’ll have wasted a lot of time and money.
Finding the right fit for you and your family
Choosing a surrogate isn’t something you should rush into. After all, this is the person who will be carrying your future son or daughter! You’ll want to know that you can keep in touch throughout the pregnancy and hear how your little one is progressing. That’s why the right match is so important.
One of the best things about working with a reputable surrogacy agency is that the matching process is deeply personal. A reputable agency will work closely with you to learn your hopes, values, and expectations: everything to help match you with the perfect surrogate. You can be assured that each candidate has been carefully screened, both physically and psychologically, to ensure that they are ready to commit to helping you build your family.
Working with an agency also means that everything is taken care of from start to finish and even in the months after you’ve welcomed your child.
Don’t underestimate the emotional stress of the journey
As wonderful as the journey is, it’s also quite a rollercoaster of ups and downs. There will be times of incredible joy, but also times when things don’t go to plan. These things can bring on a fair bit of stress and emotional upheaval. Even if you have a solid support network, you sometimes need to talk to someone who understands it all and has been there before.
That’s where an agency comes in. When working with a reputable agency, Intended Parents can expect their journey to be filled with kindness and compassion every step of the way.